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Scholarship

Third in a three-part series: First part. Second part.

Those of my readers who are in English or the other modern languages can’t help but know that this is The Week. Whether or not you’re on the job market, the buzz has started and we know that on Thursday, September 16, 2010 this years MLA Job Information List comes out. Not its final form, of course, it will be updated until the season is over. But we can feel it in the air, in the wind, in the precise amount of antacid we require, the job list is coming. And so it seems appropriate to wind up my three part series on the profession–my own sorting out of why I want to do this work and what I think this work is.

A moment on grad school

Someone said in my graduate school orientation that we should be certain to think of graduate school as professional school: that we were in training to be scholars no less than our peers in medical school were in training to be doctors. Call me young, call me naive, but that got to me. I liked it. I wonder now, though, how realistic that is. Can a person really be trained to be a scholar? At one level, this is a silly question–as silly as the errant first-year here and there over the years who has brazenly come up to me after the first class to announce that they “don’t really need” this writing class because, after all, writing “can’t be taught.” But at another level, I think that it’s a question we ought to take seriously.

What can be taught?

There are skills of research, and writing, and critical thought that can be taught. There are content areas of the history of our fields and our professions that can be taught. We go to graduate school under wonderful professors because there are many things that can be taught.

What can be directed?

What I mean by “directed” is that there are a lot of ways of scholarship that good mentors can point us at, but we have to go. @veek tweeted today: “It occurs to me that nobody ever taught me, in grad school or else-formal-where, that the academy is a participatory culture.” The participatory nature of academia cannot be taught, per se, but mentors can talk about how to participate in the communities of academia, and direct students or junior colleagues towards resources or forums (or fora!) for participating in academia. But the precise nature of that participation cannot be taught directly.

Ultimately, though, I think that scholarship is something one has to make a commitment to, and one has to renew that commitment often. Good mentorship helps this immensely, but the choice to do it is individual.

Wait, are you making a religious argument?

No. I don’t think scholarship is like faith–and I’m not here to debate the nature of faith. But I do think it’s a choice. Because the stuff of scholarship is too complex for anyone to offer a student a formula for success–and, I suspect, the avenues to success are to varied and individual to have any one avenue provide a guarantee. Additionally, no one student can do everything. Perhaps I’m about to inscribe a blasphemy, but I don’t think you can read every journal, cover to cover, even in your subfield, while also familiarizing yourself with archival material, while also learning new scholarly technologies and keeping up with the old ones (microfiche? still? yes.). Of course this list goes on. Trying to learn all this, to become a professional, while also in coursework, or reading for exams… the sumtotal is impossible. So one of the techniques we learn is how to chart the course through the sumtotal of work we  could do, to find the amount that works best for us to do. No one can teach us exactly what that is–whether skimming this article is sufficient or whether you should read it and take notes, even if you don’t precisely know how it’s applicable to something you’re working on yet. Whether you should attend this lecture or that one, whether you would do better to skip this conference and attend that one, or, while attending this conference, go to this concurrent panel or that one. Any panel you skip at any conference could be the one where you ask the question that gets the attention of the person with whom you network and it leads to a publication. But before you go, so could that other panel. There’s a degree of guesswork, of instinct, and of luck…and maybe just a little faith after all.

Scholarship: more than just a fancy hat

It is more than a hat, and yet, those who know me know I love the hat. And a particularly antediluvian part of me regrets that we no longer wear them around campus to demonstrate by our attire that we do this thing. This professory thing. This scholarship thing. Perhaps it’s just the voice of my kindergarten teachers still exhorting me to put my thinking cap on, but somehow the hat, more than the piece of paper that has the words of my degree on it, and some how more than the sturdy, material presence of my bound dissertation symbolizes that my job has a place in the world. We neither enter graduate school, nor do we exit it with an unerring ability to produce the perfect article, design the perfect project, think and express the thought that changes everything all at once. But what I wish for each of us that make it through to the hat stage, is that we get the chance to do this work of scholarship, this designing of projects, this writing of pieces, this thinking, this analysis, this continual process of learning. I believe that only when we get this chance to steep ourselves in that which we have come to love, yes, even sometimes when we hate it too, are we able to bring and share that love with our students and spark something of the scholar in each of them.

Posted in Profession, scholarship.

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More on Digital Tools

Or, In Which I Use My Blog as a Bookmarking Tool

Mindmapping

Recently, I asked the Twitterverse about collaborative online mind mapping tools. I have used Cmap Tools for a while and I love it, but it’s local and what I really wanted was something that could take advantage of my students with all their individual laptops and the podium computer that can project. So, multiple, simultaneous-editing, collaborative, online tools I sought. And thanks to @roygrubb, I now have quite a list:

Now, of course, I have the problem of having more tools that I can possibly evaluate in a day. Or at least in a day when I have a bunch of other things to do as well!

Tools for working with texts

While I’m here, I’ll aggregate the answers I got last time I asked about Digital Tools, which include:

Teaching with WordPress #wpclassroom

Also, I haven’t really mentioned in this space that I’m working on a WordPress Multisite (sometimes also called WordPressMU, WordPress MultiUser, WordPress Network) for my teaching this semester. I’ve installed the Digress.it plugin which, if all goes well, has the amazing capability of allowing multiple simultaneous commenting per paragraph on posts. I look forward to the medieval gloss enthusiasts taking over the world with WordPress + Digress.it. As it is, I’m hoping that it will revolutionize what I can do in a writing workshop, and really help students collaborate with each other in a workshop setting. We’ll see. When the site is a little less beta (classes start next week) I’ll link to it. Turns out that I’m the first person at this university to deploy WordPress Multisite on a production server. The Academic Technology people are a little nervous, but have been incredibly helpful. I think we’re going to be fine.

As for the hashtag, after a conversation with @feministteacher, we ascertained that we hadn’t seen a consistent hashtag about teaching with WordPress, so we have coined #wpclassroom and are hoping it will catch on.

Citation

I don’t know of any scholar or teacher of a humanities discipline (which something in my brain says should be “teacher of humanity” but I know that’s not right!) who hasn’t struggled with citations. For my own scholarly journal, when I left the “type the bibliography by hand” stage, I moved to Word + EndNote, which seems a pretty common progression. I might still be there if not for some catastrophic failure that caused my entire machine to sieze up and choke every time I used a diacritical mark. And you may remember that my dissertation was in contemporary Puerto Rican literature in English, so, er, there were some diacriticals. See for yourself! This is the bibliography.) I migrated altogether to Mellel + Bookends, a migration usefully facilitated by the deal they give when you buy both together. But my students are mostly running Windows machines, so trying to require MacOS software would be… folly. The Reference Librarians where I teach shill RefWorks, which I dislike for a number of reasons including that it’s clunky. However, it is well supported by the library. I looked again at Zotero as well as at Mendeley as they are both free (or rather Mendeley is free for as much as my students would need). They are both tempting, but neither is as well integrated with the databases my first-year writers are likely to use as I would like to see. I tried importing articles from GaleGroups’s Expanded Academic ASAP database and got citations with titles like “Download HTML” and “Expanded Academic ASAP.” So, RefWorks it probably shall be.

If RefWorks and LibraryThing were to merge somehow, they might be able to rule my world. In fact, if any of the library cataloging software, like Delicious Library, were to merge with any of the citation software, I’d be sold in an instant. Fact remains that right now in the humanities, we still occasionally read books for research. Delicious Library and LibraryThing can extract information about books by scanning bar codes. But neither outputs usable citation information. That’s my digital citations wishlist: a full-library cataloger that handles books, mixed media, electronic and print journals, AND outputs nice citation information and plays with word processors nicely. While I’m at it, it should make me coffee as well.

Share and share alike

Gearing up for the semester has been more technologically intense for me this year than ever before. As always, I look forward to your comments on what teaching tech works for you. And what doesn’t.

Posted in teaching, Tools.

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Teaching and technology

For now, this will be the second in my three-part series (First Part). It’s not the post on teaching that I planned, but it has come over me. So this is not so much a post on teaching as a post on some elements of teaching and technology. But first I’d like to link to Parezco Y Digo‘s amazing slideshow called tech>ppt. I was skeptical when Cliotropic first linked me to it because, I reasoned, I know perfectly well that tech is more than powerpoint! In fact, the only time I’ve ever used powerpoint in a classroom for teaching purposes was during a particularly wicked case of laryngitis. For that, it worked quite well. But generally, I don’t find it all that useful.

Anyway, I opened up the slideshow and by slide #4, I was hooked. Why? This is the text of the slide in its entirety. “I hate Blackboard®.” And then I knew that I was hooked. Blackboard® may well be a great system for some people and for what it wants to be, but I hate it.

I, too, hate Blackboard®

This post is motivated by an experience I had this morning. I know that you can upload documents to Blackboard® and that depending on the other fair use issues involved the credentialling that Blackboard® does will fulfill your copyright protection obligations. Wonderful. I also know that another way at the school where I teach to link to articles that exist in full-text in databases is to use the database permalinks with an additional level of proxy authentication tag prepended to the permalink URL. It’s great. You can post the link anywhere, and it will ask you for your credentials, and if you have the credentials, boom, there is the article. I went to Blackboard® and saw that in a relatively recent release, Blackboard® had developed a permalinking procedure. GREAT I thought, and clicked on what I thought were the instructions for using it. And quickly clicked cancel as my browser started downloading the instructional video. I firmly believe that instructional videos are a last resort and generally take more time than they provide help. So I clicked on help. And nowhere in the following few screens was there a place I could search for “permalinks.”

Now don’t get me wrong folks, the instructions may be there. But as Parezco Y Digo says: “It’s a … system built for CIO’s, not driven by pedagogical needs or possibilities.” And it’s certainly not a system built to allow access to parts of its functionality without diving in headfirst.

I do not hate WordPress

I will be teaching with WordPress this semester, and hopefully for many semesters to come. I think that if we’re teaching with technology, then we are always also teaching technology. Learning the ins and outs of Blackboard® may help students in universities that use Blackboard®, but teaching an expensive, proprietary technology that has little purchase outside academia just doesn’t appeal as much as teaching technology that they could use in a number of places and times in their life. Plus, the community that writes the supporting documentation for WordPress knows how to create usable documentation. Open source is not the cure for all the world’s evils, but I’m hoping in time it will succeed in at the very least modifying the practices of enterprises like Blackboard®.

And a question for you:

What teaching technologies do you love? What teaching technologies do you hate? Powerpoint and Blackboard have most of my ire, but Microsoft Word, especially its new .docx file format, has a lot as well. I (mostly) love WordPress. I love chalk. I loved collaborative tools like Etherpad, which Google recently killed. I hope that the Digress.it plugin will help me do a lot of what Etherpad might have. Maybe even better.

Finally…

Props to ProfHacker for keeping me thinking about this stuff, continually.

Posted in Profession, teaching, Tools.

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Excursus: An anecdote about digital research gone weird

(This is outside of the three part series I’m writing, but I wanted to share a story)

This post started out as a comment on a recent ProfHacker post but it quickly became clear to me that it was its own little story. So I’ll go back and make a comment to link here, instead!

Last August, deep in the middle of dissertation revising, I took a writing retreat to Vermont. Unlike previous writing retreats taken in the Hudson Valley, NYS, this retreat at the house of a generous friend of a friend’s had internet access available. About as soon as I arrived, I realized I had forgotten a book I really really needed (Puerto Rico in the American Century by Ayala and Bernabé in case you’re curious and want an absolutely great history of +/- the last 100 years of Puerto Rico). I had internet, but no scholarly library nearby. So, I bought and downloaded the kindle edition of the book. I had never worked with a kindle edition before and I quickly discovered that while they are great for reading in a linear fashion, at least the iphone app has no search feature at all. Edited to add: Also, while the kindle book had the whole index included, the index refers to the page numbers in the book. And while the TOC is linked to jump to chapters, the index is not linked, so you have this whole tantalizing list of page numbers, and no way to find the pages.

So I brushed up my oral exam reading skills and skimmed. Skimmed as if my life depended on it (and frankly, I felt at the time that it did). And I found my salient quotations and parts I needed to summarize and cite. And then, another shock: kindle editions have no pagination. Or at least they have no reference to the original pagination of the book. I could potentially have cited the kindle edition and let the chips fall where they may, but I knew I already had quotations from this book, cited to the paper pagination in my dissertation.

Enter Google Books

Not all the quotations I needed from this book were in the google books preview. However, even words not included in the preview respond to the google books search… and give you the page number. So over and over during that hot week in August, I skimmed the kindle edition, found the bit I needed, searched google books for a unique string (or a string I dearly hoped was unique!) and cited. While this sounds time consuming, (and was!) I still believe it was less time consuming than having no citations at all, and since the google books turned out to be correct in each case, going back and checking my citations against the printed book actually went quite quickly.

This anecdote explains why I do not believe the Kindle (or its related apps) is ready yet to be a scholarly tool, although I actually really enjoy reading books on it. However, in conjunction with google books, it can save your scholarly life, way out there in the woods.

Posted in Tools.

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Service

(The First in a Three Part Series)

I read and enjoyed the recent post by Tenured Radical entitled: “The Seductions Of Sedan Delivery; Or, Writing Your Own Academic Job Description,” so when The Chronicle of Higher Education drew my attention back to it, I read that article. However, it is really the comment by a commenter named “mraymond” that inspired this post. This is the comment:

Keep track of everything. Make a folder every year for “Teaching,” “Scholarship,” and “Service,” and put a note about everything you do into one of those folders. It helps you to remember everything you did when it’s time to report on your activities in those three areas.

This is the relatively basic advice given (or which clearly ought to be given) to every faculty member in their first tenure-track job. I only cite mraymond because it’s the most recent iteration of this advice that I’ve seen and because it is remarkably succinct.

However, as someone who recently changed my twitter tagline to “Adjuncting my way to the Promised Land,” I’ve been musing on this advice in the context of my future, which for this academic year at least involves adjuncting, not a tenure-track job. What suddenly occurred to me is to think of adjuncting as if it were no different from a tenure-track job. I must still accomplish teaching, scholarship, and service–the only trick is that I’m only getting paid for teaching. Many other people have written about the injustice of this, and the many troubles it causes for the profession. I’m interested in how these categories give me guidance about balance in my life.

Adjuncting my way to the Promised Land

I will be teaching the equivalent of two courses next semester. For tenured and tenure track faculty in the department from which I just graduated, two courses a semester is considered a full-time teaching load. This of course is because teaching is not their only responsibility. They are expected also to be producing scholarship and giving service to the university.

My adjunct job does not come with the expectation of service to the university, and as such (as Tenured Radical points out) I would be crazy if I volunteered for it. I’m sure some bits of it will come up, but it’s important to the profession that adjuncts not simply perform as volunteers the forms of service that full-time professors perform as part of their salaries. However, I think (or I would really like to think) that the requirement of service put on professors is not just about wresting the labor of running a university out of academics. I would like to think that service is a crucial part of the profession itself.

A larger meaning for service

Throughout my graduate school career, I have tried to volunteer whenever possible. Because of the nature of graduate school, that “whenever” always felt a lot like “almost never,” but I kept trying. I did several forms of service to the university that were the graduate student equivalent of what is expected of professors. I served as a mentor to new students, I served on the University Committee for Student Life, I served on the Graduate Committee in my department. But I also volunteered at non-university organizations: I served as an ESL Tutor at Concilio Hispano in Cambridge, MA, and still serve as a Commissioner on the Massachusetts Commission on GLBT Youth. These forms of service are important to me and I will continue to do similar ones.

What I have realized since graduating, is that I’d really like to do a form of service that actively uses this degree over which I’ve had so much travail. JOB, job, or no job, I’m now qualified to teach college, which has made me think of all the people who wish to be in college and either can’t get there, don’t know how to get there, or haven’t been adequately prepared to get there. I’ve been blessed with a lot of access to education, and blessed with so much of it that I’m now qualified to be an educator. So I’m looking for a program to work with. If the academic world sees fit right now not to pay me for service to a University, then I want to take that energy and give it in service to those who haven’t (yet!) got access to a university. I have a long list of organizations that I’m looking at, and plan to choose one where I will be a good enough fit to develop a long-term volunteer relationship there. I won’t list them here because it seems rude to list several when I’m probably only going to spending time at one. Watch this space for the “reveal,” though.

Perhaps we’re in a “service profession” (or should be)

There is one more person to thank (or perhaps blame) for this idealistic streak that seems to have taken hold of me this summer. Lawrence Senelick, Fletcher Professor of Oratory at Tufts University gave the talk at the hooding ceremony for new PhDs this spring. He spoke about the concepts of a profession, a professional education, and particularly, what this had to do with the profession of being a professor, which, he clarified, was what we all now were. A drama professor, he compared our status to that of an actor–all over the major cities of this world, there are actors who identify as actors though they be waiting tables and acting not at all. Acting is a profession, like being a professor, even if the professional is waiting tables. Any career may bring home the bacon, a profession is something else. What I understood him to be saying is that a profession is an identity.

Tenured Radical and others wouldn’t have to give the advice: “Do not volunteer, stupid.” if so many people didn’t volunteer in their universities for work for which they are neither paid nor ultimately rewarded. Volunteering outside of the university won’t get me paid, and it won’t get me tenure, but I’m trying hard to believe that “teaching, scholarship, and service” isn’t just a grading rubric writ large for the professional world, but maybe it could be something more–more meaningful, more real, more substantive. An actual motto for what it is that we do in academia.

Posted in service.

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Digital Tools

I don’t want to start a barrage of truly hardcore digital humanities folks laughing at me, but I’ve had such great connections about digital tools on Twitter today that I wanted to write a post at least in part so I could catalog them!

My training in grad school in English didn’t include digital methods, a term I’ve only become familiar with relatively recently. But having worked my way through NYU as an undergrad largely working IT, I came to graduate school rather more adept at navigating digitally than some of my peers. So I find myself, here at the end of my graduate career rather an odd duck. I’ve never been involved in the digital scholarship community, but I have evolved some of my own methods, and pieced together things from odd places.

Three Examples:

Coursework: A relatively accomplished Web designer/ editor by 2001 standards, I made myself a local home page to be my browser default start page. I was annoyed at having to go through the several screens that my university library put between the searcher and the databases, so I included direct links to the proxy authentication pages for the databases I used the most often. I also included links to Blackboard, which some of my courses used, and some administrative stuff like the Student Information System (SIS). For the three years I was in coursework, I barely had to “navigate” the web. I had arranged everything I needed. As it turns out, I had also invented a non-social Delicious.

Studying for my oral exams. No matter what the shape of your doctoral comprehensives, it’s a mountain of information to organize and try desperately to retain. So I did what I had been accustomed to do in IT for so many years. I designed a database! I created an Access database (This was 2004-5, I had not yet made my move to mac and my renunciation of as much of Microsoft as I can) in which I cataloged Title, Author, Notes, Quotations and a little more metadata for each of my readings. I did not, at the time, know the term metadata, but perhaps that’s an aside. In my Access database, I didn’t do anything that I couldn’t have done with Bookends, which I now use.

Writing my dissertation: I used Scrivener rather extensively for my note-taking and organization, as well as for the early drafting stages. By then I knew the term metadata, and the relatively large array of metadata that Scrivener holds was one of the things that made the software attractive to me. I didn’t have any of the primary texts I was working with digitized–they were all current copyright, in-print books, and I was not aware of any ways to digitize them that would be (A) legal and (B) wouldn’t have seemed an unreasonable time investment. (In retrospect, I wish I had worked harder for that. It would have helped in a number of ways.) But I transcribed all my quotations into Scrivener and used the metadata to code my transcriptions for the themes I was examining. It felt a little social-sciencey, but it helped me not lose track of things! Finally, by the time dissertation writing came along, I was using tools, not just inventing them!

Moving Forward

Now that the dissertation project is over, and I’m looking towards teaching writing again in the fall, as well as to working on new scholarship, I decided to ask the internet, via Twitter, what tools are out there that I don’t know about? Most of my time working with digital tools, it seems, has been spent re-inventing the wheel, and this time around I’d love to get right to rolling on wheels that are already true. Here are some of the answers I got:

I’m adding these to my “reference” links today!

What other tools do you use for working with texts? How do you use them? What excites you about them? I’m particularly interested, of course, in people working with contemporary texts under copyright, but I’d love to know about how you use tools.

It’s really a form of self-defense. If I don’t find out what tools are already out there, I’m just liable to reinvent another preexisting one!

Posted in Tools.

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The Death of the Author… and the live author!

I imagine that many people reading this are familiar with Roland Barthes’ influential short piece The Death of the Author. I read this piece at the very beginning of graduate school, and at a time when I assumed that most work I undertook would be on quite literally dead authors. It seems somehow easier to debate the possible influence of authorial intention on textual analysis when the input available about said intention is finite–and finite of necessity because that author will never write anything ever again. (I do understand the glee that scholars of dead authors feel when some hitherto unknown packet of letters, or lost volume of journals is discovered because that dead author now seems to live once again, for a moment. But even so, the oeuvre of that author has only expanded, not revivified.) Applying the analytical framework suggested by The Death of the Author seems simpler, even when reading a piece in which an author is clearly stating their intentions about a particular work, when even the author’s meta-discourse on their works is bounded by their literal death.

When I began my dissertation, it focused on four books by (then) four living authors. Piri Thomas, Giannina Braschi, Edgardo Vega Yunqué, and Black Artemis (aka Sofía Quintero). I had never met any of these people and perhaps never expected to. I doubt, quite honestly, that I ever gave the matter of whether I would meet them much thought. My surprise, then, was unbounded when I found a message in, of all places, my Facebook inbox, signed “Edgar” which turned out to be from Edgardo Vega Yunqué. He had discovered our names linked together in a conference program: mine as a presenter, and his name in the title of my presentation. We began a correspondence which lasted a scant three months. Vega first wrote to me in June 2008, and on August 26, 2008 he died suddenly.

It was awkward, and perhaps bizarrely terrifying to have this correspondence with him. As well trained as I have been in Barthes, it is hard to let go of the knee-jerk emotional reaction that the author, should the author speak on the subject, is the only one who can say with true and absolute authority: “Literary critic, you are wrong.” Even with this terror, I sent him an early draft of my chapter on The Lamentable Journey of Omaha Bigelow into the Impenetrable Loisaida Jungle. (Now I thank my stars that I did send him an “early draft.” Had I followed my fear and waited until the draft was “ready,” he would already have been gone.) The first paragraph of his response to me will always stand as one of the most moving pieces of praise I’ve ever received.

Wow!
I’m an extremist: hypercritical, argumentative, cantankerous, intimidating when threatened, often loud and overbearing and I don’t suffer fools well.  I am, as described by an ex-lover a veritable enfant terrible, all of it by design to protect a fragile heart.  However, at the other extreme stands a very fair, admiring person who will gush at beauty, elegance and a job well done.  Sin duda alguna, tu labor es sensasional y mucho más.  And not because you’re writing about my work, but because your keen analysis of literature is so accurate and more so when it has to do with our situation as Puerto Ricans. Bravo, bambina!

It is, I recognize, as irrational to be afraid of an author’s censure as it is to be elated by an author’s praise. And yet I suspect that I am not the only one who works with the texts of living authors who has felt this way. I further suggest that feeling this way is not in itself a problem, I think perhaps it shows a healthy respect for the importance of the creative process that the author goes through. Rather than struggling to “let go” of the emotional reaction, I have found that I need to balance that emotional response with an attention to the rigor of my own work. I cannot allow myself to believe that my work is important because Vega said it is, any more than I should have allowed myself to believe my work dreck if he had so averred. The process of literary creation and of literary criticism must be fundamentally intellectually independent, but I think we who work with live author’s work would be fooling ourselves if we refused to believe in an emotional connection, however tenuous.

My next short project is shaping up to be an article length work–coauthored with a colleague of mine–on one of Black Artemis’ books, her debut novel in fact, Explicit Content. Sofía Quintero and I have not met, but we follow each other’s work, primarily on Twitter, where I recently mentioned undertaking this project. She is, naturally, curious about the project. Once again, I find myself balancing the pulls of scholarship–which even when co-authoring is an amazingly solitary pursuit–and of collegiality with the community of authorship that my work places me in touch with.

I have recently sent Ms Quintero a copy of the chapter I wrote on her Picture Me Rollin’, and I anticipate more fruitful conversations with her, Barthes’ assertions about her death notwithstanding.

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Gratitude

The defining metaphor, or the basic conceit if you prefer, of this site is the deviation. The ways that by taking a path few take (that of the PhD) we are off the road. We have departed de via, from the road. However, as my subtitle suggests, I believe strongly that the road is one thing, and the way that we find is another. This post is for those who have been there for me on the way.

Maybe it was just me, but there was an extent to which the acknowledgements page of my dissertation was the most difficult to write. According to ProQuest/UMI, by the time all was said and done, my dissertation clocked in at 282 pages. Two pages, the second not quite full, are acknowledgements and I realized the moment after I clicked “Submit” that I hadn’t thanked half of the people who needed thanking. It’s a terrible feeling, actually. Here it is, the document itself, the culmination of so many years of work and so many wonderful people’s help and assistance and, inevitably, I had left out some whom I wanted to thank.

I tacked to a new breeze, however, when I realized that many of the people whom I most needed to thank would never read my dissertation, might not have access to the ProQuest database, and, most sobering of all might have no idea I’d written a dissertation. Because the process that led to graduation did not start with graduate school. It didn’t even start with undergrad. I don’t know where or when it did start exactly, but I finally took pen in hand to try to address the gratitude problem.

I bought stationery, actual “thank you” cards, with the seal of Tufts University on them. I filled my fountain pen (a gift from my father for my BA graduation) and started writing. (Incidentally, for pen lovers, I addressed the notes with the roller ball that was the gift from my father for my PhD graduation). To begin at the beginning, I wrote a letter addressed to the faculty and staff at the Yung Wing School more commonly known as P.S. 124 on Division Street in New York. There, I’m told, I learned to read. Maybe those who have been granted PhDs in Physics, or Psychology, or Economics don’t feel this direct pedagogical lineage as strongly, as those are subjects that you begin to study in High School if you’re lucky. However, there is a noticeable way in which I feel that I just got a PhD in reading, in close reading if you like. And in thinking about how this was possible, I couldn’t help but think of the institution largely responsible for making this shapes on the screen in front of me now have meaning to me.

I wrote another letter to the Philippa Schuyler School for the Gifted and Talented, again more commonly known as I.S. 383, in Bushwick, Brooklyn. Both of my primary schools were named after amazing individuals: Yung Wing, “the first Chinese student to graduate from a U.S. university” and mixed race child prodigy and activist Philippa Duke Schuyler. Junior High is rarely a happy time in anyone’s life, it seems, but I think about where I am now and I feel gratitude to that school for helping me get here.

I also wrote letters to the Oliver Scholars Program and the Institute for the Recruitment of Teachers (IRT), two programs which I believe have very similar missions and strategies. I benefited from the support and encouragement of both of these programs. The Oliver program, among other things, demystifies the world of private school. I don’t know where I learned that private schools were places only for the richer-and-smarter-than-thou, but Oliver helped me understand that these amazing schools were resources in one could only learn how to use them. IRT did a similar thing for graduate school. Never in the course of my undergraduate career did the idea of a doctorate occur to me. I knew what they were, of course, but they seemed like the sorts of things that “other people” got. IRT showed me that maybe, just maybe, other people might be me.

I wrote some personal notes, too. Individual teachers and supporters who made a difference in my life. And I have more of them yet to write. I wish those tiny cards had room for the scenes. I hope I get to tell the English teacher who made us 16 year old 11th graders buy the untranslated Canterbury Tales that I was one of the few first-years in graduate school–who were not medievalists–who could both read and pronounce Middle English. And I hope I remember to tell him that I can still declaim that first sentence!

And then there are those I’ll probably never get to thank. The woman with whom I rode the B38 bus for two years on the way to Junior High who watched me reading and doing homework on the bus and took to asking me to talk about what we were working on. The priest whose sermon on grace inspired years of inquiry into the intersection of grace and ethics. These are the tiny bits of quotidian scholarly questing the sharing of which reminds us–outside of the academy, outside of the classroom–why we do what we do.

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